I Remember
by Goldy
Summary: Buffy remembers what happens in 'IWRY' does she break up with Riley and go back with Angel? Since I'm writting this that's a probably! Finished!!! Go me!
1. One

Title: I Remember  
Author: Goldy  
Disclaimer: Yep, I'm a man in his mid forties that goes by the name Joss Wheadon... nope actually I'm not. Therefore I guess that it isn't mine. The song isn't mine either-it's s club's 'Never had a Dream come True.'  
Synopsis: Buffy remembers what happened during 'IWRY.' What does this mean for her and Angel?  
Timeline: Right after 'No place like home.' and 'Dear Boy'  
A/N: okay this takes place in different places and goes back and forth between different people's POV so I have that written before every change. I'm sorry, but this does start out rather B/R (if you thought it was hard to watch try writing it!) but hey, how can Buffy break up with him unless they are dating?  
Feedback: I'm not sure how I feel about this one yet-so if you think I should continue let me know!  
  
  
  
  
Sunnydale, 'Buffy'  
  
Today was a long one, and I'm tired. I can practically tell that the powers from up above are telling me that I will sleep tonight. I don't even have the energy to slay tonight.   
  
Sleep. The thing that human's need the most. I don't get a lot of sleep, but I suppose it comes with the job.  
  
Does finding out that your sister is a lie count as part of the job too? Because if it does than this job sucks. Then again I've always known that.  
  
I remember when Dawn found out I was the slayer. All she could see was how cool it was. I got superpowers, and I got to save the world. What fun. Except, that never happened, because my sister isn't.  
  
They say that sleep is a release. For me it has been more than that. In my dreams I can be that normal girl that I've longed to be for so long. Even then, those are unreal, because I get to have my very own slayer dreams. More fun for my not-real-sister.   
  
Tonight I am too tired to worry about the evils that may come up in my subconscious. I just want to forget it all. The girl that can't fight the superhuman after the person who feels like her sister- is gone for the night. Tonight while I sleep I'm just a normal girl.  
  
{Like a normal girl, falling asleep in the arms of her normal boyfriend. It's perfect.}  
  
I did sleep well. Very well. So, well in fact, that I can't remember the dream I had last night. My mind is nagging at me. It is telling me that it was an important dream. Was it a slayer dream? God, I hope not.   
  
I can't deal now with some prophecy. I need to protect my sister. Whether I like it or not she is part of me, and I will protect her. With my life.  
  
It is still early in the morning. I know that Riley wants me to go over. He says that he's always there for me if I want to talk. But I don't want to talk. At least not yet. The fewer amount of people that know about Dawn, the better.   
  
Maybe I will go over. That's the nice thing about Riley. He's just always there. Like he's waiting for me to show up or something. He's a great boyfriend for me. Dependable, sweet, kind, and he knows about the slaying gig, always a plus there. So why is it that I don't feel like dealing with him at the moment?   
  
No, that's not true I do want to go over to Riley's. Riley isn't someone that I feel like I have to deal with. Just I will not deal with him later. For know I'll just lie in bed and hope that Giles has the decency to understand that I have to be alone for a while.   
  
Except I can't fall asleep. I'm too busy thinking about that dream. What's wrong with me? It was nothing, but a stupid dream that I can forget.   
  
"If that's true then, why does your heart tighten in your chest when you think that it was something you can forget?" I asked my empty bedroom. I wasn't really expecting an answer, but as soon as I said the word "forget" I felt hot burning tears come to my eyes.   
  
Now I know that something is wrong with me. Normal people do not cry over nothing. And that's all it is. Nothing.  
  
That visit to see Riley sounds good at the moment. If anything it will help me get my mind off of my problems for a little while. So why is it that Riley suddenly seems like a poor substitute for the real thing? If Riley is a poor substitute for the real thing that would mean that... oh no. I am so not going there.   
  
I am going to Riley's and I'm going to have a good time. Even if it means wearing a fake smile and laughing a fake laugh.  
  
It takes me longer to get dressed and showered than normal. I'm sore from the fight last night. Despite having the quick slaying healing power, being thrown around doesn't do wonders for your body. I'm going slowly, because I'm sore. Not cause I don't feel like "dealing with Riley."  
  
As I pass my sister's room my heart begins to pound. God, that must have been hard for her hearing me asking what she was, but I know she'll get over it. That's Dawn for you. She never stays mad long. That of course makes me wonder, was she programmed with that personality or is it really her own? I don't know and I don't want to know.  
  
I skip breakfast. I don't really feel like eating. Maybe I'll pick something up on the way to Riley's.  
  
I did end up stopping for coffee.   
  
When I get to Riley's dorm the door opens before I even get a chance to knock. Jeez what does he do? Wait around for me to show up all day? I feel a quick pang of guilt. Maybe I don't spend enough time with Riley. He really is a great guy.   
  
"Buffy!" A great big grin comes across his face when he says my name. Like I'm some amazing person or something.   
  
"Hey, can I come in?" Is it just me or did I sound a little weary? I hope to god that he doesn't notice.  
  
He doesn't. He gives me a big smile and takes my hand, practically yanking me into his dorm.   
  
Inside his room I can't help, but notice the Saturday morning sunlight poring in. Riley looks good in the sun. With his muscular chest and strong arms, shaggy blond hair and green eyes. Weird that even though he isn't with the initiative anymore he's still wearing army pants. On any other day I would have smiled at that cuteness.  
  
Just today it wasn't Riley I was seeing. Oh sure, I was seeing him. I mean duh, he's right there in front of me. What I was seeing was in my mind, and the farthest thing possible away from Riley with his blond hair and green eyes.  
  
{I was at the docks... in LA. Amazing Saturday sunlight streamed around me just like today. Then like a miracle he was there. I thought for a second that I was dreaming. I had fallen asleep sitting in the sun. But no, it was real. He was there and then he kissed me. In the sunlight! His mouth was warm, and his heart was beating. And I thought that this time we might actually work.}  
  
"... I know that its not much of a story, but the good news is that I heard this song and I thought that it was the perfect song for us." Riley's rambling cut through my... memory? Flashback? Daydream? Well, whatever it was, I was no longer at the docks in LA, but rather with my boyfriend on a beautiful Californian morning.   
  
Riley was looking at me for approval. What the hell had he been talking about? Didn't he realize that I was shock here? He could at least ask what was wrong. But I suppose it's for the best. I mean really, what would I say to Riley anyway?   
  
I know "he" would know the minute something was bothering me.  
  
"So?" Riley prodded.  
  
Damn it! Riley. Song. Something about a song.   
  
"Huh?" Great, what a great answer.   
  
"The perfect song for us," Riley said sounding a little annoyed with me.   
  
Perfect song for us? Oh that was helpful. "Could I hear it?"  
  
That seemed to work. Riley's eyes lit up as he moved to rummage around through his CD collection. I sighed with relief. I know that I don't have a great attention span. I feel kinda bad that Riley can be so boring sometimes. Especially when he's talking about his farm in Iowa.   
  
Riley popped the CD in his player. An S Club 7 CD. What was wrong with him? That band was so annoying.  
  
"So you're a fan of S Club 7?" Did I even want to know the answer to that?   
  
"Buffy, were you listening to anything I said?" Riley asked me, hurt written all over his face.  
  
I felt that guilty pang come again. People were always hurt when I didn't listen to them. Giles, Willow, Xander, Mom, Dawn. Wasn't there someone out there who didn't expect me to be perfect Buffy?  
  
His face flashed through my mind again. But I wasn't going there. I was over him.  
  
"Yeah of course I was listening to you. The perfect song right?" I smiled at him. A nice big dazzling smile that said "who me?" Coming over to him I wrapped my arms around his neck. "I think you better tell me again."  
  
Oh that worked well. Riley beamed down at me. "Its not really important. Just this joke some guy played on me... well do you want to hear it?"  
  
"You know I do." That smile came out again. The nice big fake one that showed all my perfect white teeth.  
  
He grinned back at me. A nice boyish grin. A not fake boyish grin.  
  
Riley pushed the play button on his stereo and took me into his arms holding me close. I didn't resist and rested my head against his shoulder.   
  
[I never had a dream come true until the day that I found you, even though I pretend that I've moved on. You'll always be my baby. I never found the words to say. You're the one I think about each day and I know no matter where my life takes me to a part of me will always be, with you.]  
  
Ohgodohgodohgod. I'm starting to remember. The dream- everything. I'm dancing with Riley and I'm not. I'm in LA. I'm with Angel. And he- he is human- he was human.   
  
{The perfect yum. Mmm, this is a dream. You're human for like a minute and already there is cookie-dough-fudge-mint-chip in the fridge}  
  
The memories were coming faster. The room was beginning to blur. I jumped out of Riley's arms vaguely hearing him asking me what was wrong. My head hurts, it's too much. How can it all be real?  
  
{I went to see the oracles I asked them to turn me back...}  
  
Riley's shaking me now, but I hardly notice.   
  
{I won't just stand by and let you fight, maybe die, alone}  
  
I slip down to my knees. God he gave up humanity for me? How could he and then not tell me? How could I not remember?   
  
I realize that I'm barely conscious and yelling Angel's name at the top of my lungs. Despite the fact that Riley is right there. But you know what? I don't care. Riley never gave up humanity for me.  
  
"Angel," I moaned right before I slip away into blessed darkness.  
  
  
  
  
LA, 'Angel'   
  
I finally fell asleep. I couldn't for so long. I was haunted by thoughts of my sire. My sire is back. The evil vampire that made me is back and she is human.  
  
Darla is back and I can't leave her alone. She has a soul now. One that will catch up with her, and only I can understand that pain.  
  
Finale in blessed oblivion. For the first time in months without my Darla induced rather R- rated dreams. I have to admit that some part deep inside of me misses those dreams. No, that's not true, a rather large part misses those dreams.  
  
Now I'm back to being tortured by things I have done in the past. Hell is part of my dreams too. Only when I sleep can I see the things that were buried deep in my subconscious from that time spent between life and death.   
  
In a way I'm glad to be rid of my rather sexual dreams with Darla. I think mostly because I did enjoy them. That idea is so sickening that I'm almost happy to see the horrors that I never remember upon awakening.   
  
Remembering. I had a dream where Buffy remembers our lost day. Sweet Buffy. I can't help, but be filled with longing and pain when I think about her. And what we could have had. Maybe this way is better. It was true what I said to her almost a year and a half ago. She deserves someone out of demons and darkness.  
  
All of these thoughts, feelings and images run through my mind as I sleep. I almost welcome it. Sleep is a release. Even for a creature of the night like me.  
  
"Angel, Angel, Angel. Wake up damnit!" Cordelia's shrieking reached my way too sensitive ears.  
  
I jumped from the bed looking around frantically for a weapon. The first thing that came into my room I got ready to jump on, and beat the living crap out of, until I realized that it was Cordy.  
  
"Cordelia, what's wrong? Are you O.K?" I ask urgently already seeing visions of the newest thing Wolfram and Hart cooked up for me.  
  
"Of course I'm okay! Tense much?" She snapped at me.  
  
I sighed a little sheepish. This whole Darla thing was really getting to me. "Sorry I...what was all that screaming about?"  
  
Cordelia rolled her eyes at me. "I'm not telling you anything until you get dressed."  
  
I looked down at myself, suddenly embarrassed at the fact that I only had my boxers on. Well what was I supposed to do, sleep fully dressed? Glad, for not the first time that I was a vampire and couldn't blush, I glared at Cordelia until she left. I quickly threw on a pair of pants and a shirt that was lying around. Both black. Hey, old habits die-hard.  
  
I came down the stairs of the Hyperion hotel and without really eavesdropping heard the argument going on between Cor and Wes.  
  
"Of course we have to tell him." Cordelia yelled at Wesley clearly annoyed.  
  
"Yes, but with his current state of... well lets say obsession with his sire I don't think that this news would do him much good." Wesley argued apparently not ready to give in.  
  
I didn't know whether to be shocked, angry, or amused. Curiosity won out, and I decided to stay a little longer where they couldn't see me. Just in case Wesley won this argument.  
  
"We can't just keep this from him. It's not fair, he'd want to know." Cordelia straitened herself up to her full height and glared down at Wesley. I had to admit that I almost felt bad for the guy.  
  
"Yes, but..." Wesley tried his argument again somewhat more pitifully.  
  
"But, nothing. If you won't tell him I will."   
  
As soon as the words were out of Cordy's mouth I chose that moment to appear at the bottom of the stairs. "Tell me what?" I asked giving them a half smile and a look that said you better tell me or else.  
  
"That, that Wesley shoplifted," Cordelia stuttered.   
  
And I thought she was on the lets tell Angel what's going on side.  
  
Before I could make an equally stupid reply the doors of the Hyperion opened and Gunn came striding in as if he belonged here. I guess that in a way he did.  
  
"Hey y'all what's up?" He nodded at me and moved over to where Wesley and Cordelia were standing. "Anything interesting happen while I was away?"  
  
"Actually yes, but not quite like you think." Wesley sighed and took off his glasses absentmindedly cleaning them. "Angel how much did you hear?"  
  
"Enough." I said fixing him with another glare. I was beginning to grow inpatient. Vampires were not known to be the most patient creatures on earth.  
  
Wesley sighed again, but he knew that he'd better tell me what was going on. "We got a call from Sunnydale."  
  
Wesley looked at me not missing the way that I flinched at the mention of Sunnydale. Buffy was in Sunnydale. My unbeating heart clenched painfully in my chest. God if anything happened to her...  
  
I didn't say anything to Wesley just waited for him to continue. Already my mind was cooking up visions of what could have possibly happened to her. I pushed those thoughts away. I know that if anything happened to her than I would feel it. If Buffy died some part of me would too.   
  
"Apparently Buffy, has... this is quite embarrassing I'm afraid." Wesley paused looking at me sheepishly.  
  
For God's sake, if he didn't get out with it soon I was afraid I might do something I would regret later.   
  
"Whose Buffy?" Gunn asked quite loudly, "she another one of these vampire dudes that are part of your long history as a psychotic killer?"  
  
"She isn't a vampire. She's a slayer." I clarified- ok maybe it was more of a growl. Gunn's eyebrows went up, but thankfully he kept his mouth shut. "Now, would someone tell me what the hell is going on?"  
  
Wesley opened his mouth again, but quickly closed it again when Cordelia shot him a nasty look. It took all of the patience I had left not to strangle both of them. What did it take to get answers in this place anyway?  
  
"Do I have to go to Sunnydale myself?" I prodded shooting this time for annoyance rather than anger.  
  
"I suggest that we all sit down and have some tea. Maybe talk this out before we do anything rash." Wesley said obviously not taking my latter statement as a joke.  
  
Cordelia groaned loudly. " Buffy was at her boyfriends..." she looked guiltily over at me as I scowled, but continued anyway, "when she fell unconscious, and started yelling your name like it was the most important thing in the world. An hour later the gang still can't wake her up and Giles hoped that you would know what was going on."  
  
I raised my eyebrows, but didn't make a reply. I have to admit that as much as I wanted Buffy to move on and find someone that she could actually grow old with, the news that she was screaming my name when she was with her boyfriend gave me a weird kind of satisfaction. I had to actually struggle not to smile. And that does not happen.  
  
My second thought was enough to take away the smile that threatened my mouth. What could have happened to Buffy to make her scream my name as the world slipped away? My third and fourth were ones of panic. I had to go to Sunnydale and find out why my ex-lover had slipped away into unconsciousness screaming my name.  
  
I'm fairly ashamed to admit that my fifth thought was not about Buffy. But rather about Darla. Darla. Who was going to control her if I was gone? Most importantly who was going to help her if I was gone? I tried very hard to push that thought away. Buffy meant more to me then my sire. I never loved the vampire that made me. I loved and still do love Buffy.  
  
".... And there is no way you're going to do that, because I cannot handle more broodiness over these blondes of yours." Cordelia finished up, and looked at me expectantly.  
  
Of course, I had no idea what she was saying and I didn't really know whether or not to let her in one that fact. She didn't look all that happy with me. "What?" oh yeah, great answer she'll be really impressed with that one.  
  
Cordelia looked up at the ceiling and took a deep breath. "You're not going to Sunnydale, because I don't want to deal with you when you get back, and with the whole Darla thing... Wesley and I thought that it was a good idea to let the Sunnydale half figure this out."  
  
"Right, Buffy screams my name and I'm supposed to stay here. Well you know what it doesn't work like that." I said forcefully.  
  
Not content to stand there and argue, I walked to the door. I was going to Sunnydale. They could stay if they wanted, but they were not going to keep me from going.  
  
"ANGEL, WHERE ARE YOU GOING??" Cordelia yelled after me.  
  
I didn't bother to answer. She knew exactly where I was going. She just didn't know that she could convince me not to go. Yet.  
  
Cordelia sighed and followed me. "Why do I always get dragged into this?" I smirked to myself. Cordelia may not admit it, but she is a better friend than she likes us all to think.  
  
Wesley grabbed his coat and followed Cordelia. "You know Angel, you have to bring us with you whether you want to or not."  
  
I turned around and looked at him still smirking. "Why? Is it cause you work for me?" I felt the quick familiar ache in my heart again. God, I was starting to talk like Buffy.  
  
"Well there is that... and it is day." He said whipping the smirk off my face really quickly.  
  
"Yeah and who's going to drive if you're a pile of dust?" Cordelia finished.  
  
Right, day. I had completely forgotten about day. I tried my best to look unfazed, and think of a good come back. Unfortunately I think the best I did was stand there with my mouth hanging open.   
  
"Right then now that it's all settled I supposed I'll be driving?" Wesley pointed out.  
  
"Right," I said with what I hoped past as a chuckle, and tossed him the keys.  
  
The three of us got ready to head out the door again, me with a thick blanket over my body to keep out the sunlight, until we were stopped by a very loud "ahem" from Gunn.  
  
"So y'all are going to Sunnydale." He asked.  
  
"Yes." I answered.  
  
"For this chick, Buffy."   
  
I winced at his use of words. I found it somewhat offending that he referred to Buffy as a chick. She was not a chick. She was Buffy. I managed to keep down all the things I wanted to say in her defense, and nodded.  
  
Gunn considered this for a minute. Finally as if reaching a decision he ran up to where the rest of us were standing. "The British guy is not driving."  
  
I shrugged, "not really my decision to make." I tried to appear nonchalant about the whole thing, but truth be told I was really amazed that even with my... situation my friends- my family- was still here for me.  
  
"Just promise me one thing."   
  
I looked at Gunn suspiciously. "What?"  
  
"You'll tell me the whole story on the way over there."  
  
"I think I can do that." I decided.  
  
Cordelia snorted loudly. "Oh, and it will be some story."  
  
I smiled apologetically at her. It was true. It was really some story. I mean really, how often does a vampire slayer and a vampire fall in love?  
  
  
Sunnydale, 'Riley'  
  
"Riley would you stop this annoying back and forth thing that your doing, and maybe help us all out in the research department." Xander snapped without looking up from the book that he was reading.   
  
"Sorry," I mumbled. I stopped my pacing and grabbed a dusty book, which I skimmed without actually reading. After a few minutes of reading sentences here and there where nothing actually made any sense I got back up and resumed my pacing. Back and forth through the magic shop.   
  
Xander sighed, but thankfully kept his mouth shut. I spared a glance at Buffy who was still unconscious. She was lying down on a mattress that Giles had pulled out of somewhere. I hadn't noticed where, because all of my attention had been focused on Buffy at the time.   
  
When she had collapsed in my dorm room I had done the only thing that I could think off. I brought her here, to the magic shop, where I knew Giles was. After setting his eyes on Buffy, Giles had quickly closed the shop and called the rest of the gang to help with research. I think that he also called Angel, but I wasn't really paying attention at the time. I don't think that I really wanted to pay attention.  
  
"Angel, no," Buffy whimpered from her place on the mattress.   
  
I clenched my fists. I was worried about her. Very worried, and I wanted to comfort her, but how could I when it wasn't me that she was calling out for? Willow caught my eye and gave me a sympathetic smile. I tried to return it, but it fell flat. What was there to smile about? The girl that I loved most in this world was unconscious, and dreaming about her ex-boyfriend. I was worried about her, but hell I was also jealous.  
  
Xander suddenly slammed another book shut and scowled. "This is useless! What exactly are we looking for here, Giles?"  
  
Giles looked up from the book he was reading and absentmindedly pushed his glasses up his nose with his middle finger. "I'm not quite sure, I'm afraid."  
  
"What is there not to be sure about? The son of a bitch did something to her, because he was jealous," I yelled. The answer was so obvious. Why couldn't they see that?  
  
They all looked at me in surprise, probably more by my language than by anything else. But really, he was a vampire. Vampires were demons and used to getting what they wanted. If Angel wanted Buffy I was sure that he would get her anyway that he wanted.  
  
"He's just jealous," Anya observed matter-of-factly when no else commented.  
  
"Of course I'm jealous! MY GIRLFRIEND IS YELLING FOR SOME VAMPIRE IN HER SLEEP, AND NO ONE KNOWS WHY EXCEPT FOR ME!"   
  
"Angel would never hurt Buffy," Willow said firmly.  
  
"Unless he got happy," Xander muttered under his breath.  
  
"What if he is evil again?" I pressed managing to calm down a bit.  
  
Xander nodded at me, "I agree with Riley, I wouldn't put it past Angelus to do something like this."  
  
Actually I wouldn't have put it past Angel to do something like this, but I didn't say that out loud. I was afraid I would lose the little support I had managed to get from Xander.  
  
"Quite frankly, I agree that Angelus would do anything to hurt Buffy, but as I talked to Cordelia only a few hours ago and Angel was fine at the time-I don't think that he had anything to do with this." Giles said tiredly.  
  
"If Angel didn't have anything to do with this, then who did?" Xander questioned.  
  
"He is a vampire. With or without a soul." I snapped.  
  
Willow stood up quite forcefully and glared at Xander and I, "I can't believe I'm hearing this. Angel left in the first place so Buffy could have a normal life! HE WOULDN'T DO ANYTHING TO TAKE THAT AWAY FROM HER!" Willow spat out.   
  
"Oh sure, that sounds great when he says it. Makes him seem like a real hero, but then when no one is going to blame, him the bastard goes and does this to Buffy." I yelled seeing red by this time. I swear that if I could just get my hands on him...  
  
Giles cleared his throat noisily; "No one is going to get anything done to help Buffy if we all continue arguing in this fashion."  
  
"No one is going to get anything done if we don't go to LA and confront Angel," Xander shouted.  
  
"I-I don't thi-think that'll be necessary," Tara stuttered her eyes on the door to the magic shop.  
  
I followed her eyes and noticed the figures standing there. One was a young and probably anorexic woman. The next was a man with glasses that matched Giles's pair. The third was a young African American, and the forth... the forth was the vampire that I hated so much at the moment.  
  
I didn't care about any of the other's in the entrance of the store. My eyes locked and held with Angel's, both of us daring the other to make the first move. "Is she okay?" he asked Giles, without turning away from my gaze.  
  
I walked purposefully over to him until we were only a foot apart, "I think that's the question we should be asking you. Don't you think?" I snorted belligerently.  
  
"Don't make me angry, Finn. You wouldn't stand a chance." Angel threatened bawling his fists.  
  
"You think I'm afraid of you?" I said and in less then a second later sent my fist flying towards his face. Angel easily blocked my blow, and the one that followed it, and the one after that without any trouble. Getting frustrated as I realized he was mocking me I kicked up, but he got there first and pulled both legs out from under me, so I lay sprawled on my back.   
  
He looked down at me, "I think that you should be."  
  
I did the only thing I could from my position on the floor-- I scowled at him. Pathetic I know, but I really didn't know what else to do at the moment. It didn't really matter, he wasn't looking at me anymore. He had turned his full attention back to Giles. I felt myself start to turn red from fury, and embarrassment as I realized that he'd just dismissed me. Great my girlfriend calls out for this vampire when I try to be romantic, and then the vampire in question dismisses me like I'm a mosquito and he's a horse. What a wonderful day this was.  
  
"Are you planning to stay down there all day?" The brown haired girl who came in with Angel asked me.   
  
I felt that blush take over my face again. "Yeah, well you know the floor is comfortable and all that," I joked lamely as I stood up. It didn't really matter, though, no one was paying any attention to me. All eyes were on the supposed "good" vampire who was looking at Buffy with a tortured expression.  
  
"Is she okay?" He asked Giles softly.  
  
Giles nodded, "for the time being she doesn't seem to be in any immediate danger, but I'm afraid of what will happen if she doesn't wake up."  
  
Heavy silence settled on the room as everyone contemplated the news that Giles gave us. What if she didn't wake up? I hadn't let myself think about that before. I just assumed that she was under some evil influence that could be easily neutralized.  
  
"I'll never forget." Buffy whispered from the other side of the room as tears started to fall softly down her lovely cheeks.   
  
I couldn't take it anymore so I went over to Buffy and took her hand. Muttering that it was going to be all right. That I was here for her and that we would find a way to help her.   
  
I felt myself being watched by a very intense gaze and I had a few guesses to who's it might be. I got a lot of satisfaction in that, and I had half a mind to say "ha, she's my girlfriend not yours so stay away." I didn't though, partly because I was afraid I might get beat up again and partly because it would sound childish. And that is one thing I'm most definitely not.  
  
I snuck a look behind me at the vampire. I was surprised to see that he was sitting down looking as if he'd seen better day. The brown haired girl that had some in with him kept asking him what was wrong, but he wasn't answering to anybody. Giles was yelling at him to get a hold of himself, and Xander was yelling that he knew that he was behind this. Willow was yelling at Xander to calm down, and Anya looked amused.   
  
I had no idea what just happened.  



	2. Two

Title: I Remember chapter two  
  
Author: Goldy  
  
Disclaimer: I think we all know who really owns it. Yeah, you know that guy who isn't me.  
  
Feedback: I'm think I'm definitely going to continue at this point, and I will probably  
  
write another chapter or two, but feedback does help me right faster. So on that note please don't make me beg.  
  
Rating: R just to be safe for m/f consensual sex  
  
'Buffy'  
  
The first thing I saw when I opened my eyes was some guy looking at me in concern. He was gripping my hand way to tightly, and his grip was sweaty. Frankly I didn't really care who he was or why he was holding my hand. I just cared about one person right now in the whole world.  
  
Angel.  
  
I could feel him near me. He was in this room. A whirl of emotions went through me at that moment. Anger, hate, love. How could he make that decision without me? I could have had what I most wanted and he took that away from me. I wasn't sure if I could ever forgive him for that. Then again he made it to protect me because of how much he loved me. How could I not forgive him?  
  
I suddenly realized that tears were running down my cheeks and someone was pulling me against them. Riley. Damn it I had completely forgotten about Riley. He was rubbing my back and making shushing noises. But I didn't want to be in Riley's arms. In fact I didn't really know whose arms I wanted to be in.  
  
I shoved him away from me and stood up looking around for Angel. I saw him on the other side of the room sitting bolt upright in a chair around the table near the stairs. My eyes locked on to his. Those eyes. Sometimes I feel like I could drown in them if I let myself. They're always so filled with emotion, and tell me everything I need to know about him.  
  
This time his chocolate brown eyes were filled with a deep pain. A pain so confound I didn't even want to fathom it. I also saw love there - for me I guess - and a longing so intense that it chilled me to the bone.  
  
Angel's eyes truly are the gateway to his soul.  
  
Everyone in the room held their breath as Angel and I looked at each other, but I barely registered them. Things were too hazy. The room was spinning, and I was flying. I was drowning. I was drowning in Angel's eyes.  
  
Sometimes when things were as simple as they ever were between us I used to think that I really could drown in Angel's eyes. The way that he was always able to study me with those big eyes of his. It made me think that he could read my mind and know what was going on inside me. I felt like that right now. His eyes were boring down into mine and I feel like he is stripping away every layer of me.  
  
A million sentences rush through my head. I wanted to ask him why. Why he did what he did. Except I know that he would give me the same speech all over again. His happiness wasn't as important as the lives of others. He gave up his life for mine.  
  
That's what it all comes back to. He gave up his life for mine. Then, I came back to L.A and rubbed Riley in his face, and he had been the one to come and apologize. It had always been that way with us-he always makes the sacrifices.  
  
But this is one sacrifice that I don't want to remember. I don't want to remember the way it felt to be skin to skin with him and know that his was warm. I didn't want to remember that we could be happy with no strings attached. I didn't want to remember how it felt to feel like a princess in the arms of a man who absolutely adored her.  
  
I didn't want to remember because it would make it harder to go on in the life that I had securely built for myself ever since his departure. It would make it harder to go on with Riley and pretend that I truly did care about him. It would make it harder to believe that the reason I didn't open up to anyone about Mom and Dawn was because I had to be strong.  
  
But, God I am so glad that I was given a chance to remember.  
  
"Buffy..." Angel tried to say, but he got choked up and just continued looking at me.  
  
I felt those tears again going down my face. I'm not sure how they got there, but somehow they have become a big part of me lately. I feel the strongest urge to rush into his arms, and apologize. I want to apologize for being such a bitch to him in the past, and I want to tell him that I'm sorry that I ever forgot.  
  
I blink furiously trying to control my vision-trying to control myself. I'm confused because I thought that I was over Angel. I thought that Riley was a great boyfriend. I don't even know what Riley is to me anymore. The one night that Angel and I shared-the one that never happened-is one that I would rather remember than hundreds with Riley. Not that Riley and I ever had one so sweet. Most times we'd fuck ourselves senseless and fall asleep.  
  
What a great boyfriend Riley was.  
  
"Angel," I choke out with tears running down my face. This is how we always greet each other. He says my name in that Angel way of his, and I say his. I don't think that we have ever started off a conversation with a plain old, "Hi."  
  
The tension in the room is starting to get to me. It is so thick that I could actually feel it closing down on me and surrounding me. I'm not ready for a confrontation like this. I'm not ready to admit that I am still in love with Angel and that I always will be. I'm not ready to break up with Riley. It's selfish and I know it, but I am helpless to stop it.  
  
So I turn and run. I run out of the Magic Box. I run away from Angel, Riley, and anyone else who wants to ask what the hell was going on. I run as fast as I can and as far as I can. I run until my legs are rubber and my sides hurt from exertion. I know that no one can keep up with me. I'm the slayer; no one is supposed to match my speed and strength. No one... except for one.  
  
  
  
'Angel'  
  
I don't know what possessed me. When it comes to Buffy I don't think that I have ever thought straight. One minute we were looking at each other in that deep way that we always could. The way that would tell me more about her than an hour of talking could.  
  
She had looked so confused. The way the tears kept coming down her face without her even noticing. The way she looked lost in her own world too closed in with pain to get out. The way her eyes were begging me to help her.  
  
The guilt that I usually carried around with me tripled when I looked into her eyes. I know that she was reaching out for me-searching for some kind of a comfort that she couldn't get from anyone else. Not even Riley.  
  
I wanted to take her into my arms and give her the same kind of comfort that I always could. I wanted to tell her that it was going to be okay, and that I knew that it hurt but she didn't have to go through this alone. I wanted to tell her that I still loved her and that one day I would get a shanshu and we could be together.  
  
But I didn't have that right anymore. She may have looked lost, and incredibly vulnerable, but that didn't give me the right to confuse her more. Besides she did have Riley, and Riley was all that I had hoped for her. A stable living breathing non-cursed boyfriend.  
  
And that was exactly why I tore after her in the impending darkness when she had run out of the shop looking like her life depended on it. I didn't want her to have a stable boyfriend that could take her out into sunlight-I wanted Buffy to have me.  
  
I knew that I shouldn't. It was going against everything that I had told myself over the past year and a half. Buffy's life was her own and I wasn't part of it anymore. But somehow after hearing her say my name and seeing all of the longing and love in her eyes I remembered the old days. When we were still together. Things always had been tough. Especially after I came back from hell, but somehow we always kept on. The love that we shared wasn't something that either of us could ever get over. I don't think that anything has changed.  
  
If someone out there chose to let Buffy remember the most amazing day of my life-certainly hers too-than someone must want us to be together. So, I ran after her ignoring the protests of Cordelia, Xander, and Riley.  
  
By the time I got out of the Magic Box Buffy wasn't anywhere in site. But it didn't matter-I could feel her. Not only because she was the slayer, but also because I can always sense her when she is close to me.  
  
I don't know how long it took me to find her. Only that I finally did. She was lying curled up in a ball on an abandoned lot just outside of the town's limits. Her chest was heaving with sobs and her whole body was shaking. I could feel her pain as acutely as if it had been my own.  
  
Hesitantly I sank down to my knees next to her until I could pull her against me. She didn't resist, and instead curled down against my chest and relaxed as the sobs continued to come. I gently rubbed her back and shushed her until the tears had run their course.  
  
When she was breathing normally again, Buffy just leaned back against me and took deep calming breaths. "I'm sorry that you had to remember that," I whispered holding her against me and resting my chin against the top of her head.  
  
Buffy shook her head, "don't be. I'm glad that I remember."  
  
"Even if it will make things harder?" I asked.  
  
Buffy turned around and ran a hand through my hair. I gave an involuntary shiver at the touch. It didn't matter that we had shared millions of little touches over the years-every one was like a bolt of electricity. She pressed a kiss quick kiss to my forehead. A kiss that left me starving for more.  
  
She leaned her forehead against mine and I felt our eyes lock once again. "Don't feel guilty for this. I'm not angry at you for reversing the day. How could I be? You make more sacrifices for the world and me than a person should ever have to. But I see remembering this as a gift. I want... I want to be in your life again. I want us to be whole. I can't live like this anymore-I tried having a normal life, but I can't... I just can't. I need you, Angel."  
  
"I know... watching you leave after," I took a deep swallow as the day that wasn't came flooding back to me, "after I reversed the day... was one of the hardest things I have ever done."  
  
Buffy's eyes filled with tears again and I immediately felt bad again. I didn't want her to feel bad for me. I loved her and I would die a thousand deaths if it meant keeping her safe. Sniffling she threw her arms around my neck and held me against her as she apologized over and over again. She was sorry that she hurt me, sorry that she didn't remember after she had promised she would, and finally that she was sorry she ever let me walk out of her life.  
  
"I love you, even after all this time, Angel. I still love you. Even more if that is even possible. Please, come back to me, please forgive me." Buffy begged as the tears continued to slide down her face.  
  
Her words broke my heart. This was the reason that I had let her go on that warm thanksgiving weekend. I knew that if she remembered then I would never find the strength to leave her again. In fact, I don't even want the strength anymore. I feel selfish for it, but I want Buffy back with me just as much-more-than she wants me back with her.  
  
I pulled her slightly away from me so I could cup her face. I kissed the tears running down her face licking up the salt-not being able to taste it- but liking the feel in my mouth and down my throat. If it was a part of Buffy than it was part of me. "I love you too, Buffy. That's why I had to leave you. I knew you deserved better, but I don't think I want you to have better anymore. I don't think I can leave again."  
  
Buffy moved her mouth so our lips were closed to touching and I could feel her breath against my face and neck. "Then don't," she said as she closed the rest of the distance and we shared our first real kiss in more than a year.  
  
Her kiss was a desperate one. She was desperate to taste me and feel me after all of these long months. I kissed her back just as hard and with just as much desperation.  
  
I nibbled on her bottom lip and then ran my tongue slowly along it, but it wasn't enough and soon we were sucking on each other's tongues and mouths and whatever else we could.  
  
I kissed my way down her neck biting down gently and then soothing with my practiced tongue. I wanted to taste her everywhere and I quickly pulled off her shirt and continued kissing her collarbone and down her chest.  
  
She groaned underneath me and her frantic hands ripped off my shirt and before I knew it my pants were gone and so were hers. Nothing stood between us and I entered her slowly at first then harder until we were both crying out from the force of it.  
  
It was nothing, but pure bliss as I climaxed and collapsed on top of her. Buffy ran her fingers through my hair crying softly. I realized I was too, and that it was okay. For the first time they were tears of relief and release. We could be together this time, the last moments spent together was proof of that.  
  
"I love you," I whispered as I kissed her swollen mouth.  
  
"I love you... but what about..." Buffy closed her eyes and I knew exactly what she was thinking.  
  
"Angelus?" I finished saying the dreaded thing that she could not.  
  
Buffy nodded weakly, and a need to protect rose inside of me. I wanted to be there for her always and keep her out of harms way. Angelus could come between us, and I know that she couldn't handle it again. "That was pure bliss, but not perfect happiness."  
  
Buffy sighed in relief, but then her eyes clouded over washing it away quickly. "I can't go through that again... not being able to touch you."  
  
"I know, love. I know. We'll find some way." I wanted to add that we would find some way if it took forever, but I didn't think that that would be very helpful. Still, I thought that maybe by letting Buffy remember the day that wasn't the PTB were saying that my soul was bound.  
  
I guess that there was really only one way to tell, but it wasn't going to be like this. Making love in an abandoned lot with the moon and stars as the only witnesses was one of the most touching experiences I have had in my life, but it was all about reassurance. We wanted each other and we took each other and finally we loved each other, but it wasn't perfect happiness.  
  
Eventually, though, it would be. First we had to go back and explain to Buffy and my friends' what happened. It wasn't going to be easy, but it was necessary. Using great strength I took myself out of Buffy and started getting dressed even as she whimpered in protest.  
  
"Angel..." she pleaded.  
  
I smiled at her fondly so glad that I had her with me. I helped her up and into her clothes between light kisses. "We have to go back."  
  
"I know, but I don't want to. They're all going to be so mad... and Riley."  
  
I tried to smile sympathetically at her, but mostly I just felt my heart tighten in jealousy. But I knew she cared about him, so I took her hand and led her back the way we came willing as much strength as I could to her down the connection between our joined hands.  
  
  
  
To be continued... remember feedback helps me write faster:) 


	3. Three

Title: I Remember part 3  
Author: Goldy  
Disclaimer: One word: Joss Whedon. I guess, that's two isn't it? Anyway, it isn't Goldy so no, not mine.   
Synopsis: How do Buffy and Angel's friends react to the news that they are back together and slept together?  
Rating: PG  
Feedback: Do you really have to see me beg? Cause I will-believe me.  
  
  
'Cordelia'  
  
I have worked with a certain vampire with a soul for going on one and a half years. In this time I have gotten to know him fairly well. I know that look he gets when he is thinking about Buffy. His eyes always look drawn away and if your talking to him you can tell that he is paying full attention to you, but his mind isn't. Then his eyes soften up and for one precious second the broodiness and self-guilt seems to leave him. But then it is gone and Mr. Brooding is back.  
  
Most recently I have noticed his Darla looks. These are different than Buffy looks. His face hardens and his eyes seem almost to shrink. With what I'm not completely sure. It could be hate, or sympathy, or even self-loathing. I never minded the Buffy looks because those were almost cute, and they let me know that he was at least showing some of his internal suffering.  
  
I don't like the Darla looks. Darla was a part of Angel that wasn't good or clean. She may be human, but I'm afraid for him. I'm afraid that he will go somewhere where his friends won't be able to help him.  
  
When Angel ran off after Buffy I realized that the PTB letting her remember the day that wasn't might not be that bad a thing after all. At first I was wary because anytime Buffy shows up she manages to hurt Angel in every possible way. Frankly, I get tired of dealing with him every time his heart gets broken. Then again, I remember how much happier he is when he is with her-and I think that maybe this is truly for the best.  
  
What wasn't for the best was getting to be the one who got to explain what had just happened between the two of them. I am the only besides Angel-and now Buffy-who knows that the day that never happened ... really happened. So, I got to tell Gunn, Wesley, Giles, Xander, Xander's girlfriend, Willow, Willow's girlfriend-and I'm truly happy that she found somebody that she wants to be with besides Oz, I mean I'm not that conceited-Spike (and since when was he part of the scooby gang???), and Buffy's boyfriend all about Angel's little trip to human land. Sigh! I don't think that the last of those people was handling my story very well.   
  
Riley-what kind of name was Riley anyway? - was sitting down in a chair with his head in his hands making little sniffling noises. He wasn't responding to anyone or anything. Which I have to say was just fine with me. The way that he had accused Angel of doing something like that to Buffy was enough to make me not have any fuzzy warm feelings toward the boy.  
  
"What I don't understand is why Buffy remembered when she wasn't supposed to remember." Gunn asked uncertainly to no one in particular.  
  
Wesley nodded his head. He was standing next to Gunn and I was standing next to him. It was almost a face-off-the L.A gang was standing opposite the Sunnydale gang. "The PTB deal with amazing magicks and powers. If they didn't want Buffy to remember that day then I don't see how she possibly could," he said obviously having thought about the answer.  
  
"Well, maybe they did," Willow pointed out. Everyone in the room stared at her until she blushed and glanced hesitantly at Riley, "I mean maybe they're trying to say that Buffy and Angel should be together even if he isn't exactly human."  
  
Riley didn't even glance up when Willow said that. He just kept his head buried in his hands. I almost felt bad for the guy. He could never give Buffy what Angel could. "Yeah, but they are kind of dead." I said bluntly.   
  
Giles gave me a sharp look. "Yes, but those were only really the messangers for the PTB. The Powers is something bigger-almost like the God, but more intent on keeping the powers of good and evil balanced. However, I do have one theory as to why Buffy suddenly remembers this day."  
  
"Well, then out with it," Spike snapped. I gave him a weird look it was strange-this was bugging him more than it should.  
  
"Yesterday when Buffy did that spell to see things that weren't there she didn't see anything that could have given her clues to what was going on with her mother. She didn't find anything other than the natural, but the next day she wakes up with a whole new set of memories." Giles explained and it looked to me like he was leaving something out, but that didn't really matter to me. I wasn't part of the scooby gang anymore. Thank you God for small favours.  
  
I sighed. I really hated the melodrama that comes with my boss and the girl he loves. When they weren't even here! Now, that brings up the question as to why they aren't here, but somehow I got the feeling that I wouldn't like the answer to that.  
  
"So, obviously this means that Buffy will dump Captain Cardboard in hopes that soul boy will come back to her, but knowing the bloody wanker he will leave her anyway," Spike cried almost excitedly after listening to what Giles said.  
  
Xander raised his eyebrows at the not-so-evil-vampire, "And that is good because?"  
  
Spike glared at Xander and shifted uncomfortably in his seat. "Have you forgotten that while I don't exactly have the capacity for causing trouble-I love watching it?"  
  
Of course Riley chose that moment to spring up from his seat and look around as if just seeing us for the first time. "It isn't fair! I love Buffy and yet a vampire gets her heart." He shook his head and I distinctly saw his eyes tear over. Taking a deep breath he walked over to the door. "I tried and I tried and she never opened up to me-she never gave me her heart. When she gets back tell her... I left and I hope that Angel burns in hell."  
  
  
"Why don't you tell her yourself?" Angel growled just outside the entrance of the magic Box looking at Riley with a glare that could have turned anything to stone. I didn't fail to notice the fact that he was holding Buffy's hand.  
  
I took a deep breath. Things were about to get interesting.  
  
  
  
'Buffy'  
  
Walking back to the Magic Box had a kind of magic (excuse the pun) all to itself, despite the fear of getting there. Angel and I walked hand in hand the whole way drawing strength from each other down that line. I told him about Dawn and this thing that was after her that I didn't think I could kill. I told him how worried I was about mom, because there was something going on with her that I couldn't fight.  
  
He told me that he would be there for me no matter what. He told me that he would help me fight the thing that was coming after my sister-the key. He assured me that although Dawn wasn't real she was to me. She was my sister and the memories were real even if they had never happened. He loved me and made me feel safe. I finally had someone I could talk to again about my strange life.  
  
He told me about Darla and how confused he was about seeing his sire again. He told me how she was human and had a soul. He explained his need to help her because he knew what it was like to feel what she was. He told me how Cordy, Wesley, Gunn weren't behind him when it came to Darla. They still felt that she was a cold-blooded killer.  
  
I assured him that I knew that whatever choice he made would be the right one because it was him and that's what he did. I told him how proud I was that he could help one of the people that had been so cruel to him in the past. I let him now that I loved him. And I hope that I helped him feel as safe as I did.   
  
It was an amazing feeling to have our warm safe love back again. Angel was my safety net. Before when we were a couple I knew that I could talk to him about anything and that he would always be there for me. I finally felt like that again. There was no one else that I trusted as much as Angel and there wasn't anybody else who understood me better than Angel. And now that he had been inside of me for the second time-since the day that never happened never really happened-we are branded once again to each other.   
  
But we still have things we need to face.  
  
And one of those things was Riley. "Why don't you tell her yourself?" Angel had growled in such a deadly tone that I was actually afraid for Riley. I don't know what he said since I'm not one of the lucky ones blessed with vampire hearing, but I got the feeling that it had something to do with me.  
  
Riley looked Angel straight in the eye and didn't even so much as flinch under the vampire's threatening glare. His eyes traveled down slowly to where my hand was gripping Angel's. Riley's expression hardened when he saw this. He was wearing a look of hatred, but along with it a realization that this was bound to happen anyway. Something in his look caused me to drop Angel's hand as if it had stung me.  
  
I didn't dare look at Angel to see how this had effected him-I was too busy thinking about what I just did. I had just cheated on my boyfriend, which I had never done before. It was something that I never dreamed I would do. It didn't matter that I had planned to break up with Riley anyway-that didn't make it right.  
  
I had grown to generally care about him in the months that we had been going out. I didn't love him, but I think I could've if I hadn't been in love with Angel first. Looking at Riley made me realize that he was as normal as life could get for me and if I let him go now I would never get him back.   
  
His eyes glanced from me and back to Angel again. He seemed to be considering something. Then, without saying a word he walked passed me and down the street. I turned and watched him go. I realized that I was watching my normal life leave me. If I ran and begged him to forgive me and told him I loved him I somehow knew that he would stay. I stared at him and felt my eyes fill with tears for like the hundredth time today. "Riley," I whispered knowing that Angel could hear me, but not really caring.   
  
I got ready to run after him. I planned what I was going to say, and I knew that he would believe it and take me back. But then I remembered the person standing next to me and I stood frozen realizing that if I ran after Riley I would loose Angel. I could live without Riley, but I couldn't go on in this world without Angel.  
  
Slowly I turned around until I was facing Angel again. I found myself once again drawn to the chocolate brown pools of his eyes, and what I saw there made me wish I could go curl up in a hole and die. Although, he tried to keep the pain away I saw how much I had hurt him. Angel had thought that what we had just shared was a bond that would keep us together without a doubt. He had thought that we would be able to face the gang and Riley together. Whatever happened we would be together.   
  
I had thought so, too. Well, at least until just a minute ago, when Riley had left my life. It dawned on me full force that I had almost lost my chance at being back with Angel again because I wanted a normal life. Normal. When Angel and I made love under the stars and moon a normal life had been the farthest thing from my mind. All that I wanted was him. All that I have ever wanted was him, but for a girl like me the word normal is appealing.   
  
For a fraction of a second I wanted picnics in the park and someone to grow old with. But I can't loose Angel.   
  
I just can't.   
  
His pain hurt me just as much as it hurt him-if not more. It has always been that way with us. I feel what he feels and he feels what I feel. "I'm sorry," I apologized softly for lack of anything else to say.  
  
He regarded me heavily. "Your normal life just left, are you sure you aren't going to follow? I don't want you to be with me because you feel like you should or because you feel guilty."  
  
I almost reminded him that it was he that wanted me to have a normal life in the first place. That it was he who left me and not the other way around. But I think that it goes both ways. Angel told me to have a normal life. He told me to find someone who could make love to me and take me to the beach in the sunlight and give me kids. But I don't think he ever expected me to do all of those things.  
  
"I don't want a normal life, Angel. I want you," I said bringing my hand up to cup his cheek. Angel nodded and kissed my hand telling me that he understood how hard it was. I fell against him in relief letting myself stay in the warmth and safety of his arms as he wrapped them around me.   
  
No one said anything-and then they said everything.  
  
'Spike'  
  
I gotta admit that the only person that I saw that fucking slayer was me. I didn't like the idea screwing the brains out of anyone but me. I also knew that Ms. Perfect Summers would never do something as low as go to be with a vampire. That is, unless it came to one particular vampire.  
  
I know that Buffy wouldn't and couldn't ever love me. Wouldn't for the obvious reasons and couldn't-because her heart belonged to another. In between hooking up with Captain Cardboard she probably thought, longed, and fantasized for Mr. I have a Soul so I help People Angelus.   
  
When the two of them went flying out of here like there was no tomorrow I was jealous. In fact I was insanely jealous, but it also looked like a great show so I stayed, and for the love of god am I glad that I didn't miss it. The look on Buffy's boy-toy nearly sent me into a fit of hysterical laughter. And then when she almost ran after him-the look on her ex-lover's face was almost enough to send me off again.   
  
Almost. Mostly because I don't fancy being a pile of dust.  
  
I have to admit that I'd much rather have the bloody slayer with the Poof of a Sire of Mine rather than Mr. All American Boy. Buffy loves that vampire as hard as that is for me to believe and I'm not gonna stand in their way ... too much.  
  
"Well, peaches I always knew that 'for your own good' stuff was only crap."  
  
'Willow'  
  
Buffy is my best friend. She has been for a little over four years now. We have shared everything-crushes, boyfriend smoochies, dorms... I knew how much she missed Angel. I knew that when we were still sharing a dorm she would cry out in her sleep for him.  
  
I knew that look she got when she seemed to be looking off into space. I knew she was always thinking about him. I know that she likes to pretend that she's over him and is totally satisfied with Riley. I know her well-and I know that she always has and will always love Angel.  
  
I saw them walk into the shop hand in hand and my heart swelled with hope-not only for Buffy but for me as well, because if a love like theirs isn't allowed to exist than what is? Angel and Buffy are the true definition of soulmates. They would lie down and die for the other without a second thought. And they have both proved that time and again.  
  
Granted I like Riley, but somehow I always knew that Buffy would eventually go back to her true love. There was that one tense moment when it looked like she might actually have chosen him over Angel, but it only lasted a moment. In that heartfelt apology everyone in the room knew who Buffy loved.  
  
"So, you guys are back together?"  
  
'Xander'  
  
I know that I'm not exactly the most perspective person in this room. I know that I say a lot of things that I often regret later. But I happen to be a very caring guy, and I cared about Buffy. I no longer loved her the way that I had back when we had been in high school, but I still loved her. She was Buffy-one of my best friends.  
  
I know how much she loved Angel. Still, loves for all I know. They might be soulmates or whatever-and destined to be together. But that didn't make it right. When Buffy and Angel were together people got hurt. Some even died.   
  
No one died when she was with Riley. She never cried over him either. I know that he was better for her.  
  
Not to mention the little fact that I don't think that Angel deserves Buffy. She shouldn't have to be with someone who couldn't give her what a normal person could. He couldn't even make love to her! And even if they could I wouldn't want Angel to be happy. The whole point of the curse is so he will suffer-I don't want Buffy making him happy.  
  
"So, that's it then? Your ex shows up, and suddenly the nice normal life that you have been happy in for the past year and a half goes out the window?"  
  
'Anya'  
  
I may be an ex-vengeance demon. I may have tortured man in a horrible ways for thousands of years. I may only be experiencing real love for the first time. But I know that look when I see it... and I don't want to die!  
  
"You guys had sex!"  
  
'Tara'  
  
I haven't known Willow and her friends for all that long. I wasn't there when Buffy and Angel were together. I wasn't there when he was evil. But I've heard stories, and to say that it wasn't pretty-was to put it nicely.   
  
Riley always seemed to me like a very nice guy. A little prejudice at times maybe-but an all around nice guy. Buffy and him always did seem to get along, but I knew from the first moment that I saw them together that they would never last. I truly think that Riley was in love with Buffy, but I don't think that Buffy was ever in love with Riley-nor ever could be in love with him  
  
It was clear to me from the first time that I met Buffy that her heart belonged to another. I could see it in her eyes and that reflected in the way that she moved and acted. But I think that she is confused-she knows that Riley is better for her than the guy that she is obviously so taken by. Still, as hard as it was for her, Buffy let him walk away and out of her life.  
  
Watching the way that she and Angel were holding on to each other made me very determined. This girl sacrificed herself every single day for me and the rest of the world. I think that she too deserves some happiness-and as a practicing wiccan I know the difference between a person and their demon and I believe that this vampire blessed with a soul also deserves a measure of happiness.  
  
I took one glance at Willow to see if she was sharing the same thoughts as me. She caught my eyes and gave me a small reassuring very Willow-like smile. I took a deep breath wondering how others in the room would react. "I think I know how to bound Angel's soul."  
  
'Angel'  
  
I stood there in confusion with Buffy in my arms and everyone in the room throwing questions or insults at us. Buffy had her eyes tightly shut as if to block out their words and the rest of the world. As much as I wanted to protect and not see her get hurt, I shrugged out of her embrace and took her hand instead, silently communicating that we had to deal with this. Plus, I was still a little angry and jealous from before and I wasn't ready to give her all the strength that I possibly could.  
  
When Buffy was looking at Riley with that little girl lost look she has mastered so well-it partly broke my heart to see her in so much pain, and partly broke my heart to see her grieve over another guy.   
  
I know that it was selfish of me to suddenly ask her to come back to me again especially after all of the time that we have spent apart. I know that it wasn't fair to rip her away from the east semi-normal life that she has worked so hard to get. I tried to tell myself that it wasn't really me and that those things happened because we were just in the right place at the right time.   
  
But somehow I knew when I left L.A that this was going to be it. I knew before it happened that we were going to be reunited and that was why I was so insistent on coming. So, I felt bad for ruining things between her and Riley.  
  
But it also hurt like nothing has before that she would even consider going back with him after the time we had spent together less than an hour earlier. Still, I knew that she had chosen me and I should be counting my blessings rather than de-counting them... or something.  
  
Gripping Buffy's hand I fought a strong urge to run for my undead life. The demands, questions and insults that our friends were throwing at us were a little too hard to handle. I noticed that Xander looked like he was going to come at me with a stake, but on the other hand, Willow's eyes were shinning, and I took that as a good sign.   
  
Focusing on Willow I tried to give her my best half-smile. I glanced quickly at Buffy who nodded reassuringly at me, "Yes, we are back together." Buffy squeezed my hand and gave me a quick adoring look before focusing on Xander.  
  
"You think I've been happy?" Buffy said in a deathly tone to him, "I've been anything but happy. You never knew what it was like for me to loose the love of my life. You never bothered to ask if I was doing okay. You never looked past your anger at Angel to see what it was doing to me. I dated Riley because I felt that I had to, and that was because of people like you, and my mother and even Angel who told me to. I didn't love Riley and I'm never going to be able to, please be happy for me Xander."  
Xander looked at me with a pure look of contempt. I didn't flinch or look away from his eyes. I was not going to feel guilty about this. If Buffy and I were officially back together than it was time for me to stop feeling guilty about it and instead just feel honored that I got a chance at a relationship with the person who I love so much.   
  
"I would be happy for you, Buff, but the truth is I saw exactly what he did to you and I hate him for it," Xander replied never once looking away from me.  
  
Buffy shrugged and I could tell immediately how hurt she was, but I admired her willpower to hide it as best she could. "Don't make me choose between the two of you. Xander, you've been one of the best friends I could ever have, but your problem with Angel stops now or you'll be one of the best ex-friends I could have had."   
  
Xander sucked in a deep breath and a part of me really appreciated how he was trying to look out for Buffy. "I'll try, Buffy. If it makes you happy then I'll try, but I can't promise any more than that."  
  
I stared at the boy in shock. I couldn't believe that those words had just come out of Xander Harris's mouth. "Thank you Xander... it actually means a lot."  
  
Xander shrugged, "It doesn't mean I have to like it. I don't, and if what Anya said was true then I'm gonna like it even less, but I'm not quite ready to lose Buffy."  
  
Buffy smiled sadly at Xander and I felt that familiar tug at me heart. She wasn't even twenty, and yet the love of my life looked as if she carried the weight of the world on her shoulders-which of course, was true. On top of it all she had to deal with being in love with a vampire that could turn evil if she got too close. It wasn't fair. And I wasn't sure what I could do to make it better.  
  
"Yeah, we did," Buffy admitted softly in a guilt stricken tone. I pulled her against me-my earlier anger and jealousy miraculously gone-trying to silently communicate that what happened wasn't her fault, that I was in control the whole time and if I thought that things were getting out of hand then I would be able to stop it. At least I think I could've, but I'm not so sure. My self-control when it comes to Buffy isn't what it should be.  
  
Spikes eyes widened in delight and he slapped his knee. "I can't believe it. They actually slept together!"  
  
"Great, we're all going to die now.... And I don't want to die!" Anya complained with such a self-pitied tone that I almost felt bad for Xander.  
  
"Buffy, I don't understand... you know what happened the last time," Giles lectured without raising his voice. Somehow it was worse than if he had been yelling at us.  
  
Buffy nodded and buried herself against me. I could sense the guilt coming of off her and it made me feel guilty in turn. But I'm not, and I'm not going to feel guilty about what we shared. I kissed the top of her head and whispered, "Its okay, love. It wasn't your fault and don't let them make you feel guilty for it." Turning back to the group I noticed that Xander and Anya were absent. I knew that Buffy would be hurt by it, but it was probably for the best. "Don't blame Buffy for what happened. If you want to blame someone then blame me, but don't expect me to feel guilty for it. I was in control of myself and I do know the consequences for true happiness, which I didn't get."  
  
"That isn't the point! Even thinking about doing what you two did, is putting all of our lives in danger and we can't deal with that on top of everything else!" Giles yelled obviously not being able to keep a handle on his emotions.  
  
"Well, we did and it didn't. If you don't want to risk anything again-than I would really like to hear what Tara has to say about the curse." I said flatly. I wasn't going to give in. I didn't think that I could handle leaving Buffy again especially since she now knew about the forgotten day.  
  
Giles faltered and looked around for support. Gunn looked at Giles for a minute and then at the distraught slayer in my arms. "A slayer in love with a vampire?" He muttered shaking his head, "I think I need to sit down."  
  
Giles sighed and pressed his hand to his forehead, "Wesley do say something," he hissed under his breath, but my enhanced vampire hearing picked it up.  
  
Wesley frowned and looked from me to Tara and back to Giles again. "I think that the choice that you made wasn't a very smart one, but it isn't really our choice to make here. The two of you tried to be apart and it obviously didn't work, and if Tara has found a way to bind your curse than I say go for it."  
  
Cordelia who had been strangely silent for the whole time said, "I don't agree with what your doing, Angel. To actually sleep with her is going just a little overboard. I was there the last time it happened, and those were some of the scariest nights of my life! I don't understand... I thought you were over her."  
  
"I'll never be over her, Cordelia," I whispered in such a firm tone that Buffy looked up at me in surprise.   
  
"I love you," she said firmly quickly taking flushing any guilt that Cordy managed to give me right out of my system.  
  
I kissed her softly paying no attention to the other people in the room. "I love you, too."   
  
Cordelia cleared her throat noisily and I reluctantly turned my attention back to her. "I know you don't like it, Cordy, but your going to have to accept it... and hopefully be happy for me in time."  
  
Cordelia sighed and nodded, "I guess that's the only thing that I'll be able to do."  
  
Giles also nodded, "I'm not happy with it, but Buffy if it makes you happy I'll live with it." Buffy smiled happily at him and pulling away from me she walked over and gave him a quick hug.   
  
"I will be happy," she told him firmly. Then turning around she put on business-Buffy face, "Tara, bounding Angel's soul... do you have to do a spell?"  
  
Tara nodded and looked at Willow, "I think I have an idea of how to work it, but I'm going to need Willow's help."  
  
Willow smiled and linked arms with her girlfriend, "I wouldn't have it any other way."  
  
I looked at Buffy and felt a small smile creeping over my face. This was it. We were actually going to go through with it. In a few hours I could be with the woman I loved, with no strings attached. Suddenly things like sires that were suppose to be dead and lawyers set on destroying you seemed insignificant.   
  
"How soon can we start?"  
  
END   
  
A/N: I've been thinking about writing a sequel to this as there are a lot of things that were left unsaid, but I have a lot of other things I'm in the middle of and I need to get those done. So, tell me what you thought and hopefully if reviews are good enough I'll write a sequel.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
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